Karma's Workday
I work as a Secretary, but as Karma would have I have a very sexy voice or so I have been told by those who have heard my voice on the phone. But only in Phone world is there anything sexy about me. I stand at a mere 5'3 have lots of "junk in my trunk" and weigh ??,Well that I will not tell you. I am also well endowed or I use to be but that is a story for another day.
The first time I met the girls in our main office ( Whom I have only spoken to on the phone and have never laid eyes on before) took one look at me and said " Gee, you really do not look like how your voice sounds." "Thanks, I think." I said.
Before we begin let me tell you a little about my job I work in the medical type business, we put aides in to people homes, we provided van ride to old folks, and do other sorts of things in that area. I answer the phone , type, file, do billing , and direct calls , and sometimes answer questions what are well how do I put this STUPID questions.
All clients, customers, the general public will be called dude or dudette, or sir or ma'am, My co-workers will be called co1, co2 you get the idea. So here we go..........
"Ring, ring, " Goes the phone ______, ________ Angela speaking how may I help you? Person on the other end. " Where is my lunch?" Me " Excuse me sir. " Sir " Where is my lunch?" Me- " I am sorry sir but we do not deliver lunches I can give you that number you can call them." Sir " Well you brought me my lunch last week what has changed?" Me-" Sir, we do not do that but again I will give you the number of the people that do provide your lunch." Sir" Look I just want you to bring me my lunch I am getting hungry." Me- " Sir, all I have is a sandwich in the fridge but I will be willing to share it with you." Sir " What did you say that number was?"
Ring, Ring, goes the phone. ______,__________ Me- Angela how may I help you? Dude-" So like I was , like, um, calling to um check on my um application, so like I um filled one out like, um, last week and I was like calling to check on it. Me- " Si , All I can tell you is I passed it along . " Dude- But, um like I just want to um like check on it, ya know like yo just to see if like you know, like um....." Me- Dude it is still in the drawer with the other applications, but if it gets lonely or hungry or anything I Will let you know. " Dude-Like um ok, like um thanks. "
Ding-A-Ling goes the bell over the door Me - Hello, can I help you? The girl behind the counter. ( Who while wearing her Pajama pants, and torn up t-shirt, shuffles up to the desk in her slippers, talking very loudly into a cell phone , and with curlers in her hair, oh did I mention that her hair is not blonde , or brown, or even black or red but YELLOW??) "Hold on." She shouts into her cell phone. " You gots any job applications. " Me " What Position are you applying for today?" Yellow hair girl " Well anyone that I don't really have to do much , like drive them there vans you have parked out back that ain't hard. " Me-I hand her application . Yellow Hair girl " Do you have a phone book? Pen? , How do you spell Incarcerated?!!" Yellow hair girl hands me her application, while still talking on her cell phone and telling me she was only Incarcerated because that lying hoe her boyfriend was cheating on her with got up in her grill. Me- I smile and say " Thank you we will get back with you."
Ring, Ring, __,_____Angela how may I help you? " Help, Help I need Help." A male voice shouts into the phone. "Sir, Sir can I help you do I need to call 911?" Sir-" I need a housekeeper TODAY." Sir- "Are you in distress , do you need an ambulance?" Sir-"No dammit I need a home health aide today, not tomorrow , not yesterday but today." "Well sir I will be glad to help you with that but it will take a few days but we can get you an aide." " NO I need HELP today." -Sir says. " Well sir if you could just---click, "Hello, Hello."
Ding-A-Ling goes the bell over the door. A nicely dressed man steps into the office. "Excuse me ma'am." He says " I need to speak to CO3." I say " She has gone out to see someone how may I help you." The man says "Could you just tell her that my brothers,cousins, sisters, anuts mailman whom is my caregiver was wanting to know if I can get some more time sheets?" I just look at him for a minute because I have no idea what he is talking about so I grab a pen, and some paper and say "Ok I will write that down"
Ring, Ring the phone goes _____, ______ Angela how may I help you? I hear a screaming baby and the T.V. in the background turned up so loud I can not hear what the person on the other end is saying. But I do know that they are watching The View I say"Sorry I can't hear you but as soon as you get your baby settled , your T.V. turned down and the person screaming bloody murder in the background taken care of you can call me back and I will be glad to help you with any questions you may have." Dudette- " I wanted to know (Clatter, Bang, Scream, Crying , T.V. Sounds.... Bobby , Bobby I told you not to hit you sister) Me-" Sorry but I really can't hear you could you ask me that again?" Dudette -"I said I need to know (Clatter, bang, slam, scream) "Oh Ok I say I will give them the message." Dudette-" Ok thanks, bye."
Lunch TIME.
I grab my sandwich take a bite the phone rings _____muffled sounds while I try to swallow my sandwich . Ma'am-" I need a ride to the Dr. on Monday." Me-"Ok ma'am let me just give you that number." Ma'am-" What do you mean give me the number is this not the place I call to make an appointment I see the buses in the back can't I just go back there and get on one of those." Me-"No ma'am just call this number and they will take care of it they can answer any questions you may have also.Ma'am-"How much does it cost?" Me-" If you call the number I am going to give you they can answer any questions you may have." Ma'am- "How many days in advance do you have to call before you can get a ride." Me-" Let me just give you that number." Ma'am-"Ok' Me-1-123-456-7890 Ma'am-1-321-654-009778 Me-"No ma'am " I repeat the number slowly and one number at a time. Ma'am " Ok thank you bye. Ring , Ring ____,______ I say with another mouthful of sandwich. Same Ma'am as before " What did say that number was?"
Lunch over :(
Ring, Ring, ___, _____, Angela how may I help you? Ring, Ring, Hold please, Angela how may I help you, Ring, Ring Hold please , Angela Please Hold back to the first line I go. Angela how may I help you .Dude-"Yeah I need to speak to CO1" Me-" She is not in right now may I take your name and number she will call you back." Dude-"Do you know when she will be back?" Me-"No but it you give me your name and number I can have her return your call." Dude-"Just tell her Billy bob called she knows my number." ( When CO1 returns I tell her Billy bob called and that she has his number.) CO1 looks at me and say "I don't know any Billy bob." Back to line 2 Angela how may I help you. Dudtte in a very loud voice-" MAY I SPEAK TO CO 3" Me-"She is on vacation this week I can take a message and have her call you back when she returns next week." Dudette-" Ok I will call back later this afternoon." Back to line 3 Angela how may I help you. Sir-" Yes I need to know the name of the road as you first come into Monticello?" Me-"Sorry Sir but did you say you need to know the name of the road as you first come into Monticello? " Sir-" Oh no I meant do you know the name of the road when you first come into Warren?" Me-"Sorry sir my initials are not G.P.S. I am not really sure what you are talking about .And I am not really sure which way you are entering Warren?" Sir-"Well I am lost are you not Triple A?" Me-" No sorry sir." Sir-" Well do you know the name of the road as you first come in to Warren." Me-"No, sorry." Sir-"Um, Ok thanks?"
Thank You Karma.
The first time I met the girls in our main office ( Whom I have only spoken to on the phone and have never laid eyes on before) took one look at me and said " Gee, you really do not look like how your voice sounds." "Thanks, I think." I said.
Before we begin let me tell you a little about my job I work in the medical type business, we put aides in to people homes, we provided van ride to old folks, and do other sorts of things in that area. I answer the phone , type, file, do billing , and direct calls , and sometimes answer questions what are well how do I put this STUPID questions.
All clients, customers, the general public will be called dude or dudette, or sir or ma'am, My co-workers will be called co1, co2 you get the idea. So here we go..........
"Ring, ring, " Goes the phone ______, ________ Angela speaking how may I help you? Person on the other end. " Where is my lunch?" Me " Excuse me sir. " Sir " Where is my lunch?" Me- " I am sorry sir but we do not deliver lunches I can give you that number you can call them." Sir " Well you brought me my lunch last week what has changed?" Me-" Sir, we do not do that but again I will give you the number of the people that do provide your lunch." Sir" Look I just want you to bring me my lunch I am getting hungry." Me- " Sir, all I have is a sandwich in the fridge but I will be willing to share it with you." Sir " What did you say that number was?"
Ring, Ring, goes the phone. ______,__________ Me- Angela how may I help you? Dude-" So like I was , like, um, calling to um check on my um application, so like I um filled one out like, um, last week and I was like calling to check on it. Me- " Si , All I can tell you is I passed it along . " Dude- But, um like I just want to um like check on it, ya know like yo just to see if like you know, like um....." Me- Dude it is still in the drawer with the other applications, but if it gets lonely or hungry or anything I Will let you know. " Dude-Like um ok, like um thanks. "
Ding-A-Ling goes the bell over the door Me - Hello, can I help you? The girl behind the counter. ( Who while wearing her Pajama pants, and torn up t-shirt, shuffles up to the desk in her slippers, talking very loudly into a cell phone , and with curlers in her hair, oh did I mention that her hair is not blonde , or brown, or even black or red but YELLOW??) "Hold on." She shouts into her cell phone. " You gots any job applications. " Me " What Position are you applying for today?" Yellow hair girl " Well anyone that I don't really have to do much , like drive them there vans you have parked out back that ain't hard. " Me-I hand her application . Yellow Hair girl " Do you have a phone book? Pen? , How do you spell Incarcerated?!!" Yellow hair girl hands me her application, while still talking on her cell phone and telling me she was only Incarcerated because that lying hoe her boyfriend was cheating on her with got up in her grill. Me- I smile and say " Thank you we will get back with you."
Ring, Ring, __,_____Angela how may I help you? " Help, Help I need Help." A male voice shouts into the phone. "Sir, Sir can I help you do I need to call 911?" Sir-" I need a housekeeper TODAY." Sir- "Are you in distress , do you need an ambulance?" Sir-"No dammit I need a home health aide today, not tomorrow , not yesterday but today." "Well sir I will be glad to help you with that but it will take a few days but we can get you an aide." " NO I need HELP today." -Sir says. " Well sir if you could just---click, "Hello, Hello."
Ding-A-Ling goes the bell over the door. A nicely dressed man steps into the office. "Excuse me ma'am." He says " I need to speak to CO3." I say " She has gone out to see someone how may I help you." The man says "Could you just tell her that my brothers,cousins, sisters, anuts mailman whom is my caregiver was wanting to know if I can get some more time sheets?" I just look at him for a minute because I have no idea what he is talking about so I grab a pen, and some paper and say "Ok I will write that down"
Ring, Ring the phone goes _____, ______ Angela how may I help you? I hear a screaming baby and the T.V. in the background turned up so loud I can not hear what the person on the other end is saying. But I do know that they are watching The View I say"Sorry I can't hear you but as soon as you get your baby settled , your T.V. turned down and the person screaming bloody murder in the background taken care of you can call me back and I will be glad to help you with any questions you may have." Dudette- " I wanted to know (Clatter, Bang, Scream, Crying , T.V. Sounds.... Bobby , Bobby I told you not to hit you sister) Me-" Sorry but I really can't hear you could you ask me that again?" Dudette -"I said I need to know (Clatter, bang, slam, scream) "Oh Ok I say I will give them the message." Dudette-" Ok thanks, bye."
Lunch TIME.
I grab my sandwich take a bite the phone rings _____muffled sounds while I try to swallow my sandwich . Ma'am-" I need a ride to the Dr. on Monday." Me-"Ok ma'am let me just give you that number." Ma'am-" What do you mean give me the number is this not the place I call to make an appointment I see the buses in the back can't I just go back there and get on one of those." Me-"No ma'am just call this number and they will take care of it they can answer any questions you may have also.Ma'am-"How much does it cost?" Me-" If you call the number I am going to give you they can answer any questions you may have." Ma'am- "How many days in advance do you have to call before you can get a ride." Me-" Let me just give you that number." Ma'am-"Ok' Me-1-123-456-7890 Ma'am-1-321-654-009778 Me-"No ma'am " I repeat the number slowly and one number at a time. Ma'am " Ok thank you bye. Ring , Ring ____,______ I say with another mouthful of sandwich. Same Ma'am as before " What did say that number was?"
Lunch over :(
Ring, Ring, ___, _____, Angela how may I help you? Ring, Ring, Hold please, Angela how may I help you, Ring, Ring Hold please , Angela Please Hold back to the first line I go. Angela how may I help you .Dude-"Yeah I need to speak to CO1" Me-" She is not in right now may I take your name and number she will call you back." Dude-"Do you know when she will be back?" Me-"No but it you give me your name and number I can have her return your call." Dude-"Just tell her Billy bob called she knows my number." ( When CO1 returns I tell her Billy bob called and that she has his number.) CO1 looks at me and say "I don't know any Billy bob." Back to line 2 Angela how may I help you. Dudtte in a very loud voice-" MAY I SPEAK TO CO 3" Me-"She is on vacation this week I can take a message and have her call you back when she returns next week." Dudette-" Ok I will call back later this afternoon." Back to line 3 Angela how may I help you. Sir-" Yes I need to know the name of the road as you first come into Monticello?" Me-"Sorry Sir but did you say you need to know the name of the road as you first come into Monticello? " Sir-" Oh no I meant do you know the name of the road when you first come into Warren?" Me-"Sorry sir my initials are not G.P.S. I am not really sure what you are talking about .And I am not really sure which way you are entering Warren?" Sir-"Well I am lost are you not Triple A?" Me-" No sorry sir." Sir-" Well do you know the name of the road as you first come in to Warren." Me-"No, sorry." Sir-"Um, Ok thanks?"
Thank You Karma.
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